I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
