Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
3 2 1 whiskey
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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