She's JV to your varsity
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
