Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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