k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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