I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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