he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I take back everything I said about communal showers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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