I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
