Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
