Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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