I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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