I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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