i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
