It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
