You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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