I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
