no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
