No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
