State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
