the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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