I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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