He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
