So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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