so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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