I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
