yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
