you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
