Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
