You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
