hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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