i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
