I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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