Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We just shotgunned beers for America
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
