When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
