Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
