After last night, I could never be a politician.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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