She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
