I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
