Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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