if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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