Is it because I queefed?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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