you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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