it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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