Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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