We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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