ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
