Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
