He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
