no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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