God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
false alarm. still invincible.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
