Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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